This is the last album by "Coz the Shroom" I have put him in exile. I went through hell of the last nine years and much of it was my doing. I discovered, or rather re-discovered the Tao te Ching, which I kinda grew up fascinated with because "Kung Fu" (David Caradine 1972) was my favorite show and absolutely LOVED all the wisdom those monks taught him.
From the Tao te Ching and through a devasting personal confession of my oldest, now very adult child, I began to realize tht my entire self-absorbed persona was the source of my misery. My egotistical and selfish behavior split my family up, got my kids in foster care, encouraged and enabled my wife and oldest child to become drug addicts (now recovered) and gave my family all traumatic mental health issues.
I have to become an unselfish person and learn to be mindful of my ego, because that will always end up causing conflict.
I don't want to contend with people anymore. I don't want to be opinionated anymore. I don't want to desire anything, or become too attached to anything or anyone anymore:

"Like water, the sage abides in a humble place;
in meditation, without desire;
in thoughtfulness, he is profound,
and in his dealings, kind.
In speech, sincerity guides the man of Tao,
and as a leader, he is just.
In management, competence is his aim,
and he ensures the pacing is correct.

Because he does not act for his own ends,
nor cause unnecessary conflict,
he is held to be correct
in his actions towards his fellow man.

The cup is easier to hold
when not filled to overflowing.

The blade is more effective
if not tempered beyond its mettle.

Gold and jade are easier to protect
if possessed in moderation.

He who seeks titles,
invites his own downfall.

The sage works quietly,
seeking neither praise nor fame;
completing what he does with natural ease,
and then retiring.
This is the way and nature of Tao."

"He cleans the dark mirror of his mind,
so that it reflects without intent.
He conducts himself without contriving,
loving the people, and not interfering.

He cultivates without possessing,
thus providing nourishment,
he remains receptive
to changing needs,
and creates without desire.

By leading from behind,
attending to that
which must be done,
he is said to have attained
the mystic state."

I can not make these true and healing words part of my life as long as I continue to promote myself, continue to seek acclaim and notoriety, and act as though I am special and different. I need to live without either fear or hope. I need to let the circumstances and worries of others pass through me like wind. I need to see the good and the bad as two sides of the same thing, and balance the good and bad within myself so that I become like deep, still water, part of life, part of the universe. In harmony. I'm tired of being such an attention whore. I spent four decades in my own little world. I didn't think I would ever voluntarily stop being that person, but there is no other choice for me now. I have a wife and three children, and I am no longer willing to let my ego do the driving.

Personally what I went through and the darkness that my daughter revealed I had put in her actually made me loathe my music and I haven't touched my guitar in months. I have had a few occasions to bring it out and play. I need to embrace it as well, like all the darkness within me. Then I will become like still water and not be troubled. So I'm slowly starting to build myself up as a musician again, but I don't want ego to be any part of that. I don't know how to write songs without ego, so I'm really putting songwriting behind me. Last night I made and ingested cinnamamyladine-bislysergimide and ended up dancing to my (spiritual) brother's music and alternatly shaking a toy rattlesnake and playing hambone on my chest and knees and hands while dancing. THAT is how I want music to be. Something that comes and goes, exists in a moment and is gone in the next. I'm no longer interest in building monuments to myself.
The acid (LSC) I ate last night taught me that I don;'t need to make music. I am music. I can just let music make me instead.